hey blog.i was readin the book i bought 'love is letting go of fear'.it is like a book that was fated for me to pick up lo.i went to a bookshop and just pick it up.guess wat it was e last book and it was hidden at a corner and i saw it man.den i read e introduction and it said things like'this book will somehow find u.when u r down.when u cant let go.its just such a concindence.'i cant belive it man.it really tells me loads of things.although im just half way through,i just realise loads of things and wana share with every1.haa...hmm....firstly im damn damn damn wrong.i always bother about the past.fearin that bad things will happen again.hence,this really hinder my perception of the future.and hence make me a very sad person presently.first example is about love.i was hurt by mandy in e past.treat her so nice and stuff.did so much for her and in e end got hurt by her so bad too.i was so afraid that it will happen again that i decided to give up on love and dun love any1 anymore.so till today i dun think i have really found some1 i like or wat.this is because i been havin a mindset that a realtionship sucks etc etc.all e bad stuff la.den i worry for e furture.if i get into a realtionship i will get hurt again.hence i dun wan.i got a phobia.i was so negative about things.i have to change it.need to forget e past.dun bother about wat will happen in e future as im not a forturne teller.and just careabout e present.cherish those whu are in my life now.dun wana neglect them.sorry bros.i have been in a bad mood cause of jac stuff and was really very rude when i tolk.i aint mean it...sorry..hope u guys understand.. think i shld just accept e fact that she wana get out of my life and continue with it.i dun need to sit here n hope she come back.or freakin predict all those stuff..haa..i was such a fool.whu noes e furture.just play now la...haa...when sch term starts again.shld really work hard man and study hard and play hard.if any ger come into my life just see if e feelings is right and just go for it la.shld not just sit her and wait and be sad and cry about stuff that is already over.i choose to be sad for like e past 3 days and i was so not me.even i know i love her loads,but i also know that she cant love me too.so i got to let her go ya.i know we have loads of memories together and miss out on loads of chances.i hope we can make up for lost time but i dun think possible la.cause we aint gona be together ya.i was always thinkin about e stuff we cld go.go play ball.roller blade.swimmin.play badminton.go jB have seafood.shoppin.chattin.clubbin.so many things la.but like i said.dun bother about e furture cause it might or might not happen.maybe one day we will be back tobether whu noes.but i just noes that today.it aint possbile.hope we cld have supper again like old times ya.it was loads of fun.although u dun wana be in a realtionship with me.its okay.we cld still be friends ma.den we can do e stuff.like before.u remember?.haa.i know ya so well and u know me well too.we could be best friends ya.just wana tell ya that when ya down or need some1 to tolk to.i will be there.dun worry.haa...hmmm...now i got to practise to not to worry abbout e past anymore.like i always fail in sec sch.got thrash by sin kee.got hurt by mandy.got hurt by my best friends ah wei.got cheated by steve.etc etc.dun have to worry about wat is gona happen in e furture like goin to suck in bball again.goin to get hurt again and stuff la.just cherish now.go bladin with my bros.if free meet up with my other friends too.go eat as much as i wan.go sch study hard.etc etc la.dun need to worry if jac is coming back or be sad cause i have lost her.cause it will be too painful.wat is meant to be is meant to be.jac if we r really fated.den we will be together.if not now will be future la k.or nt for now we could be jie mei.best friends.dun think about e furture or past.just think about now k.haa.....i hope by lettin go of my fear i wil love again.wish me luck...hohoz...god bless all my pals...heh heh.....